I'm losing it.
I ran away. I couldn't take it any more. My kids arguing with me. I said fine, watch tv, eat as much candy as you want. I'm not making you dinner because I don't feel like it and you guys don't do anything you don't feel like doing. I have a test tomorrow so I went to the Corner Brewery tonight and studied.
I thought they might be a little taken aback by this, but they were like, wow, you're a cool mom. To me, it felt really extreme, but apparently not to them. I was hoping that they would realize that I am the structure in their life, that it's all a swirl of chaos without me, but apparently 2 1/2 hours at the brewery didn't exactly convey that.
I feel a little decompressed, though.
I did have two good things happen to me today. I had my hair trimmed by my hairlady, Tara, at Salon Luminescence. She was up at the front counter when I crossed the parking lot and walked in. When we went back to wash my hair, she told me that another stylist at the counter kept saying to Tara how beautiful I was as I walked up to the salon, without knowing that I was there for an appointment with her. How nice to hear, as I'm going to be 42 tomorrow and I feel like a middle-aged vomit and feces encrusted scuzz of a dishrag.
And I received this, from Gary, Andre's dad:
"The day was Halloween,the year sixty-five,
ghosts and goblins of today were not even alive;
and, on that day there was a blessed event,
for Stacey came to us, heaven sent!
From crying and crawling to talking and walking,
she grew into a lovely young girl, a full life ahead,
her elders revealed that she is unique, a treasure
a blending of traditions, heritage and culture.
The promise of youth is now fulfilled in this woman,
in the caring and nurturing of her young blessings,
in the friend she is to many, such a treasure,
in the dignity she adds to our traditions and culture.
So we gather this Halloween day, not to say boo!
Not to play tricks, not to beg for treats,
but, to celebrate her day
to stop and to say to shout as one,
HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't know how well I nurtured my young blessings today, but I'll take it. I am so touched. Such a nice present.
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4 comments:
Well, shit, wow. Birthday love. Yay!
Is is good or annoying to discover that the kids can live without us for a while? O will throw himself in front of the bike sometimes when I try to ride off for a few hours, but I when get back, I hear the "performance" didn't last as long as it took me to get to the end of the block. I say "Hi, O, I'm home." He shrugs, "Okay, I'm going outside..."
Glad you found a way to decompress that worked for you.
Oh, and btw, I now have that Flock of Seagulls song from 1982 stuck in my head thanks to the title of your post.
Aack. "And I ran, I ran so far away..."
Well, I'd hoped that they would realize that they depend on me so I could drive a point home, which is--I do things that I don't want to do that benefits you, and you have to do the same. I felt some success the other day, when Luka refused to get his vomity self into the shower, and when Evan started whacking him with a tube and saying "Get into the shower, get into the shower" I refused to intervene and make Evan stop. I said--hey, why should I try to make Evan do something when he sees that you don't listen to me? Why bother? Finally, covered in red welts, he said OKAY I'LL GET INTO THE SHOWER!! I just don't know why it has to get to that point.
I refuse to think of that song, I do not want that in my head.
I posted a comment about this the other day, but it never showed up. I hope this one does. I said I was going to ask my dad about the poem.
It's odd but really nice. I saw him yesterday but forgot to ask him about it. Maybe I'll remmeber to ask him tonight.
And now that I'm looking again, I can't believe I missed that card from Gerry before. I must have just scrolled by it to look at the poem. It's pretty interesting. It reminds me of an artist whose name I can't recall at the moment.
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