The Big Four Two

From Gerry.

I Ran Away Today

I'm losing it.

I ran away. I couldn't take it any more. My kids arguing with me. I said fine, watch tv, eat as much candy as you want. I'm not making you dinner because I don't feel like it and you guys don't do anything you don't feel like doing. I have a test tomorrow so I went to the Corner Brewery tonight and studied.

I thought they might be a little taken aback by this, but they were like, wow, you're a cool mom. To me, it felt really extreme, but apparently not to them. I was hoping that they would realize that I am the structure in their life, that it's all a swirl of chaos without me, but apparently 2 1/2 hours at the brewery didn't exactly convey that.

I feel a little decompressed, though.

I did have two good things happen to me today. I had my hair trimmed by my hairlady, Tara, at Salon Luminescence. She was up at the front counter when I crossed the parking lot and walked in. When we went back to wash my hair, she told me that another stylist at the counter kept saying to Tara how beautiful I was as I walked up to the salon, without knowing that I was there for an appointment with her. How nice to hear, as I'm going to be 42 tomorrow and I feel like a middle-aged vomit and feces encrusted scuzz of a dishrag.

And I received this, from Gary, Andre's dad:

"The day was Halloween,the year sixty-five,
ghosts and goblins of today were not even alive;
and, on that day there was a blessed event,
for Stacey came to us, heaven sent!

From crying and crawling to talking and walking,
she grew into a lovely young girl, a full life ahead,
her elders revealed that she is unique, a treasure
a blending of traditions, heritage and culture.

The promise of youth is now fulfilled in this woman,
in the caring and nurturing of her young blessings,
in the friend she is to many, such a treasure,
in the dignity she adds to our traditions and culture.

So we gather this Halloween day, not to say boo!
Not to play tricks, not to beg for treats,
but, to celebrate her day
to stop and to say to shout as one,
HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I don't know how well I nurtured my young blessings today, but I'll take it. I am so touched. Such a nice present.

This is Mama Love

It's a busy time of year. There's Halloween, which means parties and cobbling costumes together, Luka's birthday is coming up, harvests are rolling in and its the last chance to preserve anything if it's going to be done.

Yesterday turned out to be more hectic than I had planned for. Wendy and Pete hosted Pumpkin Day at their barn, plus Evan had a birthday party to go to, and I decided I was going to make a pumpkin chili as well as some homemade applesauce to bring to Wendy's. I've been making applesauce for freezing from apples I picked up last weekend from Lesser Farms out in Dexter. I bought two bushels of Ida Reds for the sauce (I prefer Jonathan's, but I missed the season), a peck of Granny Smiths for cooking (they became an apple crisp), and peck and a half of these delicious apples called Arkansas Black that are dark as plums and super crispy and sweet in a green perfumy way. Soooo good. I also bought a gallon of their honey and a hunk of beeswax that I'm going to transform into votive candles.

From Lesser Farms I had driven my kids and E and O out to Rodgers Corners, a family farm out near Chelsea that we go to every year for our pumpkins. I just have to say that every one of us were munching on an apple varietel as we left one farm for another when Fiona APPLE came on the radio. I kid you not.

So yesterday, I had multiple projects going on when I received a call from my neighbor that their child that Luka plays with had lice. I've been battling the lice monster with Luka, and I had treated him last week for it. I've been checking him every day to see if I should reshampoo him, and sure enough, after the call I checked and he was reinfested. Or, infested still. I have no idea but I am sick of those little fuckers.

So, here we go again. Wash his hair, coat him with Nix, wash again. Make sure nothing's burning on the stove. Plead with him to sit still so I can comb through his hair, he resists, cries, complains. Get all the laundry downstairs and get all that going--pillows, sheets, stuffed animals. Make sure the main bedding is done first so I can get his bed remade before we go out. May as well clean the bathroom since there are telltale signs that my no-standing-and-peeing rule has been violated. Take out the laundry from the day before when he stood in the hallway and threw up because the cough that he has sets off his gag reflex. He had been covered in vomit, it was all over the floor, splashed on doors, trim and walls. I had him step onto a towel, get undressed, wipe off his feet so he can walk straight into the shower while I start the laundry and clean up.

So last night, we get in late. We had fun. I was exhausted. I had to decompress at the party after rushing around all day and thankfully when I picked Evan up from his party and held my breath as I checked his scalp AGAIN he was still clean. If he weren't that may have sent me over the edge. So Pumpkin Day was a nice little break from it all. I could sit, talk, dance, eat, drink and that was all I had to do. And I did it.

Four a.m., Luka calls me and he had puked all over his bed while sleeping, so he was matted with puke on one side of his head. So I get up, get Luka up and just shut the door to his room because there is no way I was dealing with that at that time of night. Thankfully, it was all contained, and the kind of situation that's going to have to have an initial decontamination in the backyard before it goes to the laundry.

So I wash off the little goober, give him the hard stuff cough medicine that has codeine in it, and get him settled in my bed and rub his back to get him relaxed until the medicine takes effect. He falls asleep, his little head on my pillow, still with a faint aroma of vomit. And I think to myself--I will battle lice for you, clean up gallons of throw up and contend with all the other bodily fluids, too.

It won't always be like this, but until then I will just keep doing it. This is mama love.

My Friends Are Like Cabbage

The season is wrapping up. Just one more week to go for vegetables from Box Elder Acres, but in part I'm looking forward to it because with just the three of us, it has been too much. I've frozen what I can, but jeez. It's bad when you shove green stuff into your fridge with one hand and close it with the other, like an overstuffed suitcase.

We got a storage cabbage yesterday. I love those words together, "storage cabbage". It sounds so firm and solid, like a storage cabbage is. I was musing upon the goodness of storage cabbage. It's there for the long haul. It'll take you through the winter, ready to nourish when it's needed. It's so versatile, it'll make a sturdy, hot soup, or a funky salad.

My friends are like storage cabbage. They have been there for me, especially lately with so many changes going on, like adjusting to school and single parenthood. Providing childcare so I can get to class, listening to me complain, and offering up help whenever I need it. Being fun. It's still overwhelming at times just because there is so much to do...I wish someone could go get a mammogram for me.

It's allright though.

And there you go. Comparing my friends to cabbage is about as sentimental as I get.

Finally, I Made Something I Can Wear

I've been knitting more, in part because the weather is such good crisp knitty weather, and also as part of my vigorous efforts to avoid studying. I made this hat from handspun that I bought at the last Shadow Art Fair. I made another hat from Noro Iro that didn't turn out, it was the detective hat from the Tracy Ullmann book. It just looked wrong so I ripped it out and I'm going to make a scarf.