Tuesday, March 25, 2008

She Said He Said

She complimented the man from Georgia on a nicely done profile on a well-known online dating site. She said, you looked at me so I looked at you. You live too far away and you’re too conservative but your profile was well-written and entertaining when so many are predictable and kind of boring. Good job! Good luck!

He said:
“You are freshly divorced, you stink in bitterness, photos and profile. Give yourself the time. Do not judge people for their politics when you yourself describe yourself as being a fleeting leaf on the wind. You have no basis. No foundation, bitter with God, don't believe in anyone or anything. You need time. I will include you in my prayers despite yourself. It will take time for you to cycle out.”

She said, noting that in the very first line he stated that since his friends include felons that he’s clearly non-judgmental:
“Non-judgmental for sure!”

He said:
“The kettle calling the pot black? lol ;)

No, but really, an observation, if you have never been divorced before, or never really noticed, the first relationship after a divorce NEVER works. It just doesn't probably because the person never gives themself enough time to heal. Just an observation, not judgment.”

She said, even though she swore she was going to drop it:
“Well! At least you don't sound so sadistic this time.

And I never said that I'm non-judgmental on my profile... like you do. Everyone is judgmental in one way or another, and the entire basis of this site is to make judgments. Right?

The nature of romantic relationships is such that it may include a wide spectrum of possibilities... and what does it mean to have something "work out?" That you're together until your dying day, and if you're not that it's unsuccessful? That's a rigid view, in my opinion. I'm not necessarily looking for the love of my life and I'm sure other people feel the same. That's not a bad thing, it's recognizing that we may need/want different things at different points in our life and if things change it doesn't necessarily negate what we had.

These are rhetorical questions. You don't have to answer.”

He said:
“I will share, placing an emphasis on hope.
I believe that we are challenged, we are here to learn things that we cannot learn very easily in the spiritual realm.
Yes, we existed before this time, we are temporarily robbed of those memories due to the profound psychological impact during our stay here.
We are immortal, but we did have a finite beginning.
We volunteered to come here, actually a gift to be accepted or not.
Sort of a lotto ticket.
The goal is to channel our hearts and minds to be constructive, positive, creators of sorts, trying to physically fabricate our lives to good positive things.
The reason for this is because when we arrive back into our true home environment, after the death transition, our thoughts become manifest, here we actually have to physically make things happen.
So we take what we learn here back with us to create, to share and instruct others and do things in the positive.
Those that do not have a handle on that positive thought process are self-constricted to be within an environment that is the most comfortable to them.
So the saying “A self-made hell” may be a heaven to that one within the hell.
To others it would truly be hell…..lol
The hope is that, even then, everybody has the opportunity to improve and extract themselves out of a self-imposed hell.
So now, as we move through our trials and tribulations, we are being prepared for our next journey, like clay on the potter’s wheel.
Then that would place our relationships as possibly the most formidable tool with which to shape us.
At least for me, and hopefully those things will make me wise beyond my years.”

Okey dokey then. Why didn’t we let the South secede when we had the chance, I ask? I give this thing a few more weeks.

17 comments:

Tierra the earth mama said...

wow! was this an actual conversation via e-mail that you had with a man on match?

what a trip!

Ypsipearl said...

Yes it was! Holy crap! My morning began with the first message and he actually made me feel bad for awhile but then I reined in my stinky bitterness and swung back.

Tierra the earth mama said...

well good for you! this guy seems a bit off, ya know?!?!

Anonymous said...

whatever happened to liking pina coladas and getting caught in the rain? sheesh...

meredith

Stella said...

holy moly! That's a story. Really. You should write this one up and submit it.

Andre said...

This is fascinating. I've never read someone elses match.com conversations before.

Zoe the Wonder Dog said...

Is anybody out there still wondering why we left Georgia? :)

Ypsipearl said...

Hopefully you won't be reading any more of mine, for that will mean that I've had more conversations that are so appalling that they don't deserve the courtesy of discretion. But who knows! It's been what, a week?

As Zoe the Wonder Dog told me, it just goes to show that it's probably best to keep the political filters on. I would also add the religious ones as well, for he described himself as "spiritual but not religious," whatever that means.

biscodo said...

Ypsipearl - Congratulations! You have now had a completely random and ridiculous online dating frustration!

Only 14 more to go! (there's a 15 idiot minimum online)

"Spiritual not Religious" is code for one of:
- "I have no idea what I believe in, but I cling to the notion of the supernatural because I'm scared of the dark"
- "I'm afraid to commit to any one position. I don't want to be boxed in by others' perception of any one religion, but I also don't want to stray too far from the mainstream because then people will think that I'm weird."
- "My religion is not listed. I am half Jainist, half Scientologist."
- "My beliefs are totally spiritual and
soooo deep
, you would totally not even get it, dude. I'm... like... totally at one with the universe and don't need the trappings of the material world."

Zoe - I thought you identified as "Southern"? Or... at least having a kinship with The South. These would be... "your people". (pleeease don't go containing multitudes of identity. that's known as mental illness.)

Zoe the Wonder Dog said...

Who you callin' crazy there, Biscodo? I know where you drink, what bands you listen to... I just might come find you teach you to show some respect...

Oh, nevermind. My Southern indignation is nothing compared to my Midwestern desire to avoid confrontation.

Tierra the earth mama said...

Andy- I feel the need to correct your misguided attempt at explaining what "spiritual but not religious" means. You may have a witty and somewhat charming way of expressing your atheist point of view on the subject matter, but to me, I find it just more of the same argumentative ego-induced blather that you tend to spout at any given opportunity. I am in no way "sticking up" for this A-hole on match that Stacey ran into (and I don't believe she will have 15 more of these to go, you cynical minded mood killer), but I would like to add my two cents in hopes of helping you and anyone else understand what "spiritual but not religious" means.

Basically, a person who says this is more like you than you may realize. I consider myself a spiritual person, and the term "spiritual" obviously means something different for different people. To you, it seems to be connected with religiosity more than it does for most people going under this blanket statement. Thats where I see your error. People say "spiritual but not religious" to differentiate themselves from typical religious people. To me, and for lots of other people who say this, being spiritual is simply someone who cares for their fellow human being, other living beings on this planet (the planet included), and who acts like this in their everyday dealings in life. You can call it being a "humanitarian" if that makes you feel better, but to me, they are basically the same thing. And since you are well known for your generous help and care towards others, myself included, thank you once again, I would be so bold as to label YOU a spiritual person, whether you think so or not. So there...you have my two cents and I don't want to hear a comeback from you. End of story.

biscodo said...

Tierra -

You have assumed too much, misunderstood me, and chosen to insult me. While you might feel that you and some group for whom you seem to speak (with their endorsement or not) were insulted, I was not attacking anyone personally. I'm willing to lay aside personal insults if you are. As far as comebacks or "backtalk" goes, you can express your want to not hear it, or put your hands over your ears, but I'm going to speak my mind. If you get to speak your mind, I do too.

My description of "spiritual not religious" (SnR) comes from experience. I have known many people who identify that way, and they are varied in what they believe. You and everyone you know might agree about what SnR "means", but I assure you that there are many more who also identify as SnR whose beliefs differ from yours as you have described them. That's one thing I was describing.

In the question of "what is 'spiritual not religious'?" There are other perspectives (other than yours, and other than mine) on what that means. You get to speak for your perspective. There are others.

You shouldn't call me a spiritual person. I'm not, and thinking that I am is incorrect. I DO NOT believe in spirits or the spirit world or things that exist outside of consensual reality - only what exists in the objective world (in contrast with subjective worlds/experiences).

While I might have "killed your mood" about Stacey's online dating experience, the online dating world has a lot of random debris profiles/personalities in it. The amount of worthwhile conversation is dwarfed by the amount of incoherent, tepid, meaningless garbage. I am speaking from experience with it, and Stacey's anecdotes at the bar confirm what I experienced.

Tierra the earth mama said...

okey dokey, you have your opinions, I have mine.

Tierra the earth mama said...

Andy- sorry if i insulted you and yes, sorry that i attacked you. i think part of the problem is that we have slightly different meanings for some of the same words and i felt insulted, misunderstood and alienated when i came across your comment, which i know is partly my problem, but nevertheless, reacted to it that way. Anyway, we can continue this discussion elsewhere if you're still interested...

Stacey said...

Actually... that exchange just underscores what I was a-sayin' about not knowing what "spiritual not religious" means. It obviously can mean different things to different people. The dude from Georgia claimed that's what he was but then he tells me that I'm bitter with god. Tierra explains how she identifies with it and she's coming from a totally different place.

But I insulted the entire south and nobody has spoken up in their defense yet, so there you go. I guess we have consensus on that one.

biscodo said...

Tierra - Thanks for the follow-up, and clarification, and apology. I'll catch up with you privately and we can see what if any of this is worth revisiting.

Stacey - one minor correction: it's spelled "The South".

But other than that, I think you're on to something that I've always believed... after the eradication of forms of insult based on any and all societal/national/racial groups (white, black, brown, yellow, red, green, blue, gay, het, Polish, Irish, blonde, catholic, jewish, hari-krishna, mormon, etc.), The South will still be available as a target - rednecks gotta get paid back sometime... 400 years sounds about right, doesn't it?

Stacey said...

I want in on that discussion.

I might say that I'm "philosophical but not religious" except that I don't feel the need to qualify that I'm not religious so "atheist" suits me fine. Secular humanist would be more specific but I don't really feel the need to quibble with being labeled an atheist.